Annalisa Barbieri

A reader who has avoided dating for eight years because of anxiety asks how to begin again while living temporarily in Singapore, feeling socially nervous and insecure about being a broke writer and student. Annalisa Barbieri and psychotherapist Hannah Jackson-McCamley suggest examining whether the reader genuinely wants to date or feels pressured to do so, while accepting that anxiety does not need to be permanently “fixed.” They encourage self-compassion, recognizing non-material qualities brought to relationships, communicating relationship hopes clearly without expecting everyone to share them, and pursuing a gradual, real-world approach through friendships and everyday student life rather than relying immediately on dating apps.

A woman says her older husband becomes impatient when she takes time to orgasm, resists trying new ways to give her pleasure, and has suggested she have sex with other men without telling him. Although he respects her health-related pain, she feels unwanted and emotionally disconnected. Sex and relationship psychotherapist Silva Neves suggests the problem may involve ageing, low energy, low testosterone or a lack of sexual curiosity rather than a lack of care. He recommends open conversations and creating a new sexual repertoire together, while acknowledging that consensual non-monogamy is another possibility. If the husband refuses to engage, the column argues that his unwillingness may reveal deeper incompatibility in the relationship.

A woman living with her Spanish partner in Spain feels threatened and helpless because of his intense, seemingly dependent relationship with his mother. Annalisa Barbieri and psychotherapist Jason Maldonado-Page explain that his family history, only-child status and cultural expectations may account for the closeness and defensiveness without invalidating the woman’s concerns. They recommend discussing differing ideas about loyalty and family, agreeing on boundaries and pauses during conflict, and treating the situation as a pattern involving all three people. The goal is to create space for the couple’s relationship without forcing the partner to choose between his mother and his partner.

Annalisa Barbieri recommends several chocolate treats suited to hot weather, arguing that some products benefit from refrigeration despite conventional advice against storing chocolate in the fridge. She highlights Heist’s Milk and Honey Nougat, Pump Street’s Walnut Brownie dark milk bar and Ottolenghi’s salted malted chocolate ice-cream, while also praising Dominique Ludwig’s homemade salted caramel bars, which she customizes with extra nut butter and roasted peanuts.

A reader explains that they ghosted a friend whose repeated outbursts, emotional demands and reliance on trauma and mental health difficulties had made the friendship feel harmful and unsustainable. Psychotherapist Noel Bell and Annalisa Barbieri argue that the reader’s discomfort was an important warning sign, that personal struggles do not excuse mistreating others, and that ending the relationship was a reasonable act of self-care rather than cruelty. Accepting that no alternative would have protected the reader’s own mental health may help ease their guilt.

A woman in a long marriage describes the return of her libido after menopause while her husband has lost sexual desire and become critical, leading her to seek intimacy with a male escort who has developed feelings for her. Psychotherapist Katherine Cavallo explains that intimacy disruptions in long relationships can create shame, insecurity and avoidance on both sides, and that the escort represents only a short‑term solution. She advises open communication with the husband, focusing on rebuilding closeness without performance pressure, and assessing whether the couple wants to continue the next stage of life together or apart.

A grieving widow expresses guilt over not spending more time with her husband during his final weeks and is coping with the additional loss of her dog. Psychotherapist Mandy Gosling explains that rapid decline before death often leaves people feeling they lacked closure, but emphasizes that hindsight distorts normal, loving behaviour. She describes guilt as a common part of grief and explains that grieving involves shifting between intense emotion and ordinary life. She encourages focusing only on the immediate future, strengthening family support, and considering bereavement counselling, while maintaining an ongoing internal relationship with the deceased.

A mother struggles with her adult son's emotional distance and fears her own unmet childhood needs may be influencing their relationship. Expert insight suggests she may be overcompensating for earlier reluctance to have children, creating pressure her son senses. Encouragement focuses on developing her own life, reducing emotional dependence on her son, and strengthening her relationship with her husband to allow healthier boundaries and more natural connection.

A selection of chocolates from Britain, Ireland, Japan and beyond is reviewed with consistently positive impressions, highlighting standout treats such as Aurosó’s Candied Orange Florins, Corra’s peanut bar, Grá’s filled chocolates, MayHawk’s exceptionally smooth olive oil bar and Dorset Chocolate’s locally inspired offerings. Pierre Marcolini’s Japan-themed collection is praised as uniformly delightful, while Philip Khoury’s nut‑based Love Letters additions are praised for their richness and inventive non‑dairy creaminess.

A parent worried about not being able to afford tutoring for her academically advanced daughter is advised to separate her own past struggles from her child’s current needs. A psychotherapist suggests the parent may be projecting unresolved feelings about unfair treatment and underachievement, leading to anxiety-driven thinking and pressure. The guidance emphasizes that the daughter’s wellbeing, curiosity and overall development matter more than competitive academic advantage, and that emotional support and acceptance are more valuable than tutoring in shaping her future.

A woman describes how her partner’s mother’s emotionally abusive behavior deeply affects him and strains their relationship, prompting concerns about having future children. Psychotherapist Julia Bueno stresses that the partner must internally acknowledge the harm and establish stronger boundaries with his mother, potentially through therapy. The advice highlights that the mother-in-law should not influence the decision to have children, but the partner’s ability to separate himself from her behavior is crucial for the couple’s future stability.

A reader questions whether deep affection for a male colleague indicates romantic love or a strong friendship. Annalisa Barbieri and psychotherapist Susanna Abse note that forms of love vary and suggest reflecting on whether sexual desire is present and what fears may be holding the reader back. They encourage considering what outcome is genuinely desired and whether taking a risk to explore the relationship feels worthwhile.

A food writer recalls memorable chocolates whose flavours left lasting impressions, culminating in a Ducasse bar so compelling it became both irresistible and overwhelming. Various artisan bars are celebrated for their distinctive textures and tastes, with the Ducasse blend of dark chocolate, nuts, figs and candied orange standing out as an emotionally powerful indulgence.

A reader fears a new colleague may be fabricating dramatic personal stories, including a possible cancer diagnosis, echoing a past experience with a friend who lied about having cancer. Psychologist Alessandra Lemma suggests the reader’s strong reaction stems from earlier trauma involving manipulation and mistrust, and notes the reader’s difficulty tolerating uncertainty. She advises responding with basic empathy without assuming the role of detective, avoiding moral extremes, and setting boundaries while acknowledging the emotional patterns that make the situation feel particularly charged.

A reader describes longstanding unfair expectations from their mother, who relies on them for holidays while favoring an older brother in her will and childcare. Annalisa Barbieri advises that although kindness is not foolish, the situation lacks fairness and boundaries. Input from psychotherapist Hannah Sherbersky highlights both societal expectations and the potential value of the reader’s role, while also emphasizing the need for limits to protect wellbeing. Setting clear boundaries, including possibly declining this year’s holiday, is recommended to rebalance responsibility and reduce guilt.

A woman struggling with lifelong anorexia and bulimia finds her husband’s intense focus on his recent weight loss deeply triggering, leaving her unable to express her distress. Annalisa Barbieri advises prioritizing her own mental health, seeking therapy, and directing her husband to Beat Eating Disorders for guidance on how to support her. She encourages finding external support to reduce pressure within the relationship and creating shared interests that do not revolve around food or weight, emphasizing that her feelings are valid and her needs deserve space.

An adult child seeks guidance on a mother in her 70s whose long‑standing gaming habit has intensified since her husband’s death, contributing to emotional unavailability. A psychotherapist explains that the behaviour may function as a coping mechanism for unaddressed emotions and suggests approaching the issue with compassion, focusing on connection rather than the gaming itself. Encouraging alternatives, understanding underlying causes and considering professional support for gambling‑related issues are recommended, while avoiding attempts to abruptly remove the coping behaviour.

Explores the appeal of dates paired with chocolate, highlighting their nutritional value and ability to mimic caramel while reviewing several high-quality chocolate-covered date products. Favourites include Solkiki’s date bonbons, Sam Joseph’s peanut butter medjool dates, Forest Feast’s fruit-covered options, Birley Bakery’s large selection boxes, and Cosmic Dealer’s low‑sugar chocolate squares.

A long-time teacher struggles with confusion and self-doubt after redundancy and past negative experiences in schools, prompting concerns that recurring workplace issues may be self‑generated. A psychotherapist suggests that poorly led environments and unresolved grief may underlie the teacher’s responses rather than personal fault, highlighting how identity tied to work can intensify distress. Space and reflection are encouraged to reassess career direction, rebuild a sense of self, and consider whether a shift away from teaching may be healthy.

A reader struggling to make friends after severe teenage bullying is reassured that such experiences can have long-lasting effects on confidence, trust and perceptions of social groups. UKCP psychotherapist Lisa Bruton notes that bullying can cause people to feel developmentally stuck and unsafe in groups, and suggests seeking supportive, mixed‑age settings to avoid school‑based triggers. The column highlights that friendship is often idealised and that real relationships are inconsistent and imperfect. Building positive group experiences, relying on safer individuals and using daily school‑run interactions as gradual opportunities for connection are recommended as practical steps toward forming new friendships.

A man in his late 60s feels trapped by a house he cannot sell and worries he has wasted years, particularly after his father’s death triggered grief and suicidal thoughts. With support from a therapist, he has begun addressing long-standing issues, including cross-dressing, which his wife now accepts privately. Psychotherapist Elena Mundici suggests his stalled mourning and reliance on new projects may mask deeper emotional struggles, urging a focus on internal wellbeing rather than external change. The advice encourages self‑reflection to understand what makes him feel most authentic before deciding whether selling the house will help him move forward.

A parent seeks help for a teenager whose worsening OCD disrupts daily life, despite previous private therapy. Clinical psychologist Polly Waite explains that adolescence is a common period for OCD onset and emphasizes the importance of cognitive behavioural therapy with exposure response prevention to reduce anxiety and lessen reliance on compulsions. With appropriate experiential therapy and support, the teenager can learn to view intrusive thoughts as harmless and regain activities she enjoys. Resources and recommended books from OCD-UK are provided.

An 18‑year‑old student worries about not feeling physical or sexual attraction and fears this may never change. Expert advice suggests that anxiety, life transitions and the pressure to label oneself can influence desire, and that a range of orientations or late‑developing attraction are possible. Feeling safe, exploring identity without rushing and seeking supportive counselling are encouraged. Concerns about future parenthood are eased by noting the many modern routes to having children and the importance of personal growth and patience.

A selection of alternative Easter chocolates is highlighted, praising standout creations such as nut‑butter rabbits, salted‑caramel bunnies, spiced bars, praline‑filled chocolates, and Paris‑made lollipops, along with recommendations for year‑round chocolate subscription services.

A man in his 50s feels discouraged that he must always initiate contact with friends, despite enjoying their company when they meet. Psychotherapist Gabrielle Rifkind suggests reframing his role as being better resourced and more confident in organising social interactions, noting that many people are passive despite valuing friendships. Relationship dynamics, gender expectations, and the friends’ possible insecurities are raised as additional factors. Regular meetups through shared activities and awareness of the “liking gap” may reduce pressure while strengthening his sense of connection.